Ever Wish?
by Synical Doors
Summary: What happens when two people love each other, but are forever leaving the other to tour the world. One with his band, the other as a horror author. How do they handle it? Avenged Sevenfold fic. First fic please review?
1. Leaving

"Desseeeeeeee," he sang in my ear. "Wake up, baby. _Come back to me, it__'__s almost easy. Come back again, it__'__s almost easy_."

His singing voice was — like the rest of him — amazing. Even better when he was actually fully awake and trying. He sang the whole song through once before I moved beneath the soft lips resting lightly against mine. "Mmm. Good morning," he smiled against my lips as I opened my eyes. I pushed my lips against his instead of saying anything.

"I love waking up like this," I smiled as his tattooed arms enclosed me in a safe circle.

"Me too. If only we could wake up like this every morning of the year," he sighed wistfully and glanced at the alarm clock behind me. "I need to get going; we're leaving in a half hour."

I blinked as tears flooded my eyes again. "You sure you can't come with me?" I shook my head sadly. "Not for a week. I have a meeting with my publicist later on today, then signings every day for the rest of the week. As soon as I'm finished in New York I'll be flying out to Europe for you," I whispered against his toned chest.

"I'll be counting down the days," he told me, kissing my hair. "When do you need to go?"

I glanced behind me at the clock. 4.30 AM. "A half hour," I sighed, knowing we would be leaving our amazing home in Huntington for opposite ends of the earth at the same time.

"Come on, baby. Let's get ready and try to make this goodbye a little easier."

I nodded, agreeing, as I yawned and stretched on the big purple bed. I tried not to look at the two packed suitcases by the bedroom door as I dried my black hair in front of the mirror. His was already perfectly spiked in all directions. He watched with sad eyes as I colored my own with eyeliner.

"You look beautiful," he smiled when I had stood up, finished with the getting ready process.

"Beautiful?" I questioned. "You have never once said that in your life. Not even on our wedding day."

"Well, I'm saying it now," he smiled softly. "Because you are and I am going to miss you more and more every minute we are not together." I looked up into his chocolate brown eyes, outlined by smoky black eyeliner. "I'm going to miss you, too," I whispered.

Being unable to spend every spare moment with each other was a real bitch. But I guess with our jobs you can't really expect to have a normal life with the ones you love.

I'm a writer with a new book launching very soon which means a book tour and sore wrists from signing so many of my own works. My husband is a guitarist for a metal band who had made it very big. They had just released a new album which also meant a tour.

Our first week was in different places but after that our tours followed the same schedule. Which meant he could be with me at the stores during the day and I could be with him at the concerts during the evening. Then we could be with each other during the night.

"Ever wish we had different jobs?"

I looked up at him and smiled. "No." He grinned. "Me neither. I just wish we had more time together."

"I wish for that, too," I nodded.

"You ready to go?!" an excitable male voice yelled upstairs, bursting through the front door.

"Take that key off him," I laughed as the lanky form of one of our best friends bounded upstairs to our bedroom. When he saw us he wrapped his arms around both of us. "You'll be together again in one short week," he said brightly.

"That's easy for you to say, you get to take her with you tonight."

I smiled sadly at this. We didn't get to take the other with us.

"True, but you'll still see each other soon enough." He paused and looked at the clock. "We really need to get going. All of us."

I pulled away from both of them and nodded, keeping my face turned away from them. I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and pulled it from the room. The two men followed behind.

I waved to everyone standing outside of the huge black bus and made my way to my jeep, parked in the driveway. "Here, sweetie," I turned in time to see a monster coated arm lift my case up into the back seat. I leaned against my door, watching him as the sun kissed his bare arms. "I want you to take something with you," he said and reached up behind his neck. He unclasped the thick silver chain that held his trademark skull with a top hat and wound it around my wrist a few times before clasping it together again. "I want this back," he smiled. "So you only have it for this week. My heart, however, is yours forever."

"This is just a way of making sure I come back to you, isn't it?" I smiled, letting my wrist fall back to my side.

"Of course it is," he smiled back and pulled me into one last hug. "I love you."

"I love you," I looked up to kiss him.

"Dude, we gotta get going!" one of the guys yelled over from the bus just as my cell began buzzing and screaming in my pocket.

"I'll call you later," he promised, kissed me one last time and ran to the bus that would carry them to the airport. A different airport than the one I was going to. I sighed, ignored my cell and jumped into my jeep. As soon as I had music blasting from the speakers, I was ready to take off, and so were they. I waited till they had taken off in front of me before I left. I made sure I overtook them on the highway just so they knew who was the better driver. My cell buzzed again and I pulled it from my pocket. _I can hear that._

I smiled. _You__'__ll be rid of the soothing tones of your own band in about five minutes, babe_. It buzzed again a minute after I sent my message. _I miss you already =[_

_I miss you. I love you, Brian. I hope you and the rest of Avenged have a great tour._


	2. Are You Depressed!

Sigh.

One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day. One more day.

"We're opening up the store now, Miss Gates," some unimportant person informed me as I drummed absentmindedly on the table before me. The chanting inside my head continued as I waited for the flood of people to run in and start screaming questions and names at me. All the while expecting me to answer each and every personal question they threw at me, answer every question they had about my warped mind and where I get the ideas for my novels and wrote the correct name on the inside of their books. Anyone else feel the beginning pulsing of a migraine?

"Dess, you look like you're about to commit homicide." I looked up to see my manager was hovering by my side. I shrugged and went back to staring blankly at absolutely nothing. "Dess!" she snapped.

I slowly twisted my head to see that a line of people had formed in front of me. Why hadn't I heard their inane chatter? Oh yeah. Because I was slowly going insane with depression. The first group of people were all smiles and bright eyes. All were female and all wanted to know about Brian. I did what I usually do in these situations; pretended to concentrate on signing their books before the floor manager sent them on their way and kept the line moving. It continued like this until my wrist was actually beginning to swell and my head felt like it was going to explode and cover each of these perfectly dressed people with spatters of brain, bone and blood. Ooh. Mental note; remember what I just thought about my head exploding.

I left the book store in a daze, Lucy's arm gripping my wrist tightly to guide me to the car that would take me back to the hotel. She also had to take me from the car and upstairs. I was fine from there.

I sat on the edge of the bed I called my own for the moment before I fell back and grabbed my cell off the night stand. Six messages. All of them variations of "where are you?" To get the point across, one was even in broken Spanish. All of them from Brian, of course.

I hit the call back button and held the phone to my ear as a shrill ringing filtered from the ear piece. "Where have you been?!"

"I told you," I sighed, " I had a signing today."

"You sound depressed, are you depressed?"

I wondered for a moment if I would actually get away with lying. He'd give me hell if I did. "Yup," I answered, nodding even though he couldn't see me.

"Why are you depressed? You shouldn't be depressed because being depressed is depressing."

"What the fuck have you been smoking?" I asked with a nervous laugh. He was never like this. How many times has he said depressed in the last few minutes?

"I haven't smoked a thing, Dess, you'd be proud. I just want to know. And I want you to know that you shouldn't be depressed. We have one more day, right? So, the way I see it, I'll see you soon and then I'll forget all about being away from you because I won't be away from you, you'll be right there beside me."

He said all of this so quickly, it took me a minute to process his words. There was definitely some sort of narcotic in his body. I was about to speak when I heard the phone being passed, unwillingly, to someone else. The voice that spoke was one I knew very well.

"Brian's been drinking. Heavily."

"Sounds like him," I smiled softly. "Why haven't you been drinking? You're the worst out of all of us." I listened closely as he began to mumble something about a 'designated driver'. "You are the designated driver?" I asked. Shock was not the word for what I was feeling at hearing those words come from Jimmy Sullivan's mouth. "How the hell did that happen?"

"I drew the short straw, Dessy. How's the tour?"

"I'm close to giving up."

"You say that every time this happens. You know you'll be more than fine when we join forces to battle the evil minions known as fans."

I had to laugh at this, it was impossible not to. "See?" I could hear the smile in his voice. "You can't be that depressed if you're laughing after just a few minutes of talking to me." "You've always had that effect on me, though, so it doesn't count." I had a moment where I wanted to stick my tongue out in the empty room. I really was about to lose my last shred of sanity. Though I knew the little Dess inside my head was clinging onto it for dear life.

"It always counts!" he said back to me, outraged. "Anyway. I heard you're depressed?" he had put on his psychiatrist voice, making me laugh softly again.

"However did you get that impression?"

"Hmm… Maybe from the fact that Brian said some variation of the word while he was talking to you? Or it could just be because I know your voice so well and you don't sound like you. Come on, Little Gates, don't be depressing on me. I count on you to be as insane as me!"

"Sweetie, I have no sanity left anymore. You don't need to worry about me not being insane." I reassured him as the little me inside my head lost her grip on sanity. I could almost feel her tiny fists connect with my brain as she bawled, legs and fists thumping whichever surface they could reach.

"Good good. Before I forget! Are you going home at all before you fly out tomorrow?"

"I don't have time to, Jimothy. Why?" "Leana and I can't remember if we asked someone to look after Mr. Bungle while we were gone. I thought that, if you were going home then you could, you know, feed him and make sure he's alive and stuff."

"James, you useless ass. I was in charge of making sure everyone's pets were going to be taken care of while we were out of town. Mr. Bungle is fine, mom's looking after him."

I heard a sigh of relief on the other side. "I honestly thought I was going to be burying my dragon when I got home. But why is mom looking after him? She hates the 'scaly little fucker'." I laughed at him quoting my mom, changing his voice to imitate her. She technically wasn't Jimmy's mother, but he had lived with us since he was fourteen and she was his mother in all the ways that really counted.

"Because dad won't even look at him and I honestly do not trust any of the people you call friends. Except, of course, the guys you have with you. And they obviously cannot feed Mr. Bungle as they are in Europe."

"So everyone's pets are alive?"

"Last time I checked they were. How are you guys anyway?"

"Everyone's drunk except me and Val, of course, because she only ever gets drunk when you're around…." he trailed off, getting quieter and quieter as he spoke.

"Jimmy? Sweetie, you there?"

"Uh, yeah. I am doing this as his best friend and your almost brother; Brian is giving Zacky a lap dance and it looks like Zack is enjoying it." "Always knew there was something going on between those two." I sighed. "How much have they had to drink anyway?"

"Um… that looks like I don't know how many bottles covering the floor. Though it's possible that they're not all theirs. Matt and Johnny have been drinking today as well. Leana and Val tried to tidy up for a while when they first started letting the bottles drop but they gave up a while ago."

"I think you should get them to stop round about now."

"Sounds like a good idea. But they'll pass out eventually. Gotta go, Dess. Have a good flight and we'll see you when you get here." "See ya." He ended the phone call and I immediately felt alone. I was well aware of the fact that I was alone, but this was different. It was like everyone I knew was slowly falling off the ends of the earth and leaving me behind without an explanation.

I shook that notion from my head and told myself to stop being so paranoid. It worked. Sort of.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I write in a uniquely craptastic way and I love it.

So this is how the first part came about; I was bored and ditching English for the much more exciting prospect of taking over the music department again. I ended up writing instead of fixing the hi-hat I broke.

Anyway. I got bored again and decided to do something I have never done before and actually continued a story. Though there isn't really much else to do while you're ill and at home alone.

I just realized how much I'm rambling and think I should stop before you decide to hunt me down and shoot me.

-Synical. xo.


	3. Together Again

_AN. I don't want to write on of these things for every chapter. That'd just be strange._

_All of the weird things you read happening in this story are based on my life events. I wouldn't know if it has happened to the guys or not._

_Anyway, this is a classic example of 'write and post'. It's the chapter that I don't really like but don't think I'll ever really be satisfied with it. Just a little word of warning for those who read it =]_

-**Syn**ical. xo.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Luggage: check. There it was, being carted away from me.

IPod: check. There it was, wedged into the pocket of my jeans.

Laptop: check. There it was, hanging in its bag by my side.

Tickets: check. There they were, clenched in the claws of the woman beside me.

Annoying manager: check. There she was, the woman beside me.

Sanity: long gone. Nowhere to be seen.

My mental checklist made me smile as my maniacal manager began to edge forward, grabbing my wrist to drag me along beside her. As we moved forward, so did the other members of 'my entourage'. They were really just people along for the ride and the prospect of getting paid. The tour manager, I needed otherwise I would be wandering around a strange land, wondering what the fuck I was going to do next. The make up artist, hair stylist, merch manager, two drivers and my personal manager I did not need. I only needed the translator for certain countries, but she travelled with us as a permanent fixture. I like my make up making me look like I was dead. I liked my hair in the mess that it was. The books sold enough merch on the net. Almost everyone here had a license to drive in Europe as well as a bus license. I didn't need my manager mainly because we couldn't speak without snapping at each other, which eventually turns into an argument.

I was practically thrown into my seat by my manager, who bounced into the seat beside me and began talking at high speed about where we would find the buses we would be travelling in. I stopped her before she could tell me she would be on my bus.

"Val and Leana are travelling with me when we catch up with them. It's the only reason I agreed to this tour."

"Dess, you know they —" "They will be on my bus or I leave the tour."

She huffed and puffed and moved seats. She was now annoying the extremely busy tour manager. I unwound the earphones for my iPod and unlocked it. As I scrolled through the various artists, I came across one I never knew was on here. It was entitled "Listen."

I tapped on it and tapped the play icon. I smiled. It was the guys and girls all telling me they would miss me until I joined up with them in Italy. Halfway through Brian told everyone to go away… or to "Fuck off so I can say something."

I listened as he began to speak, ever so hesitantly. Strange for him.

"Desdemona Haner; we have been through so much together and I honestly don't know what I'd do without you there to take care of me. You've been the driving force in my life since I first met you. There is nothing I could ever do to thank you for everything you have done for me, and the rest of the guys. I don't think you'll ever know how hard this is for me to actually say, even though we've had heart to hearts like this before, it just seems harder when it's like this for some reason. Dess, I love you." He sighed into the mic. "I hate it when we have to be apart for work. I hate knowing I won't see you for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. I… I need to talk to you about the band… and me."

The recording cut off there. I knew what he was going to say. And he couldn't ever say it. It was something I couldn't let him do.

I grabbed the phone from beside me and dialled his cell number quickly. "No," I said as soon as he'd answered.

"What are you talking about, sweetie?"

"No. You can't."

"Oh. You listened to the recording. It's my decision, Dessy, and it's something I have to do. For ten years it's been like this and I don't like it when we're like this. I don't feel like me when you're not there."

"That is no reason to leave the band," I told him through gritted teeth.

"Dess, listen —" "No, you listen, Gates. My contract is up as soon as I finish this last tour, which ends in just one short week. I kept meaning to tell you, but I'm not going to renew it. I've been writing since I was seventeen. It gets kinda boring and all my novels have started repeating themselves lately. At least, to me, they have. I also can't put up with Viv anymore. The stupid red-head gets more annoying as time goes on. I'm retiring from the writing business for good. This way, you get to keep doing what you love and I get to be with you while you do it. I've lost all passion I once had for writing about people being decapitated and tortured in the most gruesome of ways. But you still have the same burning desire to play guitar in front of thousands of people every night. I don't think that's something you are ever going to lose. And I don't want to be the reason why you break up a band with reluctance weighing heavy in your heart."

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"You've told me before," I smiled. "I'll see you soon. I love you." "Counting down the minutes, Dess. I love you." The connection died and I replaced my earphones before tapping the screen of my iPod again and beginning the search for something suitable to fall asleep to.

***

I was alone with my tour manager on the purple monster that was the bus I practically lived on while touring outside of the US. I really loved it. It glowed in the dark. Well, not all of it. Just the white tribal design on the back half of the bus.

Everyone else had piled onto the extremely demure white bus they had hired months in advance. My manager had tried to insist that she travel with me. The make up artist had saved me by telling Viv she would give her some make up tips. I had never been more thankful to have her with us. The second driver was also on that bus as I had taken my own while they were arguing it out. I didn't mind having the tour manager with me because he kept to himself and didn't annoy me with stupid questions.

He also gave me the directions I needed when I needed them.

He fit in well with me and the people I surround myself with daily, as well. Bulky, tattooed and pierced. A guy that you'd want on your side during a fight. He also didn't click his tongue every few seconds when I had music playing. In fact, he was usually the one to suggest blasting Pantera outside Viv's room at 3am.

"Dess, their bus is just ahead," Richard informed me.

I nodded and pressed my foot down on the gas pedal. He laughed and went back to the small couch to continue flipping page after page of tour details. I pulled into the service station we had agreed to meet at. I had only just turned the key in the ignition to turn the engine off when there was a banging at the door. I flicked the button and it opened up, revealing a beaming Jimmy.

I jumped from my seat and hugged him tightly. "See? Told ya. No time at all," he grinned and squeezed me before letting me go.

"Yeah, but I haven't seen him yet." I smiled.

He rolled his eyes. "That's because he's pigging out with the others inside the station. As soon as they realized there were five different fast food stops in there, there was no stopping them."

"And why aren't you inside?" I questioned as I stepped off the bus.

"No bars," he grinned.

"What about coffee?"

"There's tons in there. Is little Dessy needing her fix?"

I nodded as Richard exited the bus. "If you see Viv, tell her to go jump off a bridge," he said to me as he walked toward the station.

"Not a problem," I smiled.

"Let's go get you coffee," Jimmy smiled. I nodded for the second time in a short space of time and hit the button to close the bus door. He put an arm protectively around my shoulders and led me into the building and toward the first coffee shop we saw. Starbucks. Of course.

He waited impatiently as I drank two coffees before ordering a third and finally deemed myself human enough to go see the others.

We found them in some sort of eating competition in a Burger King. Val and Leana looked like they were going to throw up as the guys stuffed their faces.

No one had noticed me when Jimmy and I walked up to their table. Everyone was engrossed in the horrible scene before them. Zack and Johnny were quite literally stuffing burgers into their mouths as Brian and Matt cheered them on.

They barely looked up as Jimmy sat down beside Leana and Val. "You guys are fucking disgusting," I informed them after the two eating machines had held my attention for a few minutes.

Johnny choked on what he was eating, soda flew from various mouths and Zack grinned triumphantly, yelling "I won!" at the top of his lungs. Jimmy began thumping Johnny's back. Any excuse to hit him. Val and Leana were first to collect themselves, jumping from their seats and throwing their arms around me. "Thank god you're here, I couldn't take another day on their smelly bus!" It was said so hurriedly I don't know which one of them had actually said it. I hugged them back as best as I could, trying to release my arms from my sides where they had been pinned when both women attached themselves to me.

Brian was staring at me like I wasn't real. "Still drunk, baby?" I grinned, knowing the glazed eye look well.

He nodded, a goofy smile crossing his face. "Can anyone else see an angel?"

My manager found me as we all cracked up at Brian's slurred question.

Her face was burning with disgust as she picked her way over to us in her insanely high heels. Stupid woman. Flat soled Vans are so much better than heels ever will be.

"Desdemona we need to leave now, and if you ever hi-jack a bus again, so help me god, I will be calling —"

"What? My mom? Get over yourself, Viv."

"My name is Vivienne," she corrected me through clenched teeth.

"Well my name's Dess. As soon as you stop calling me Desdemona, I will stop calling you Viv. Okay, _Viv_?"

Silence ensued as Viv tried to intimidate me with her dark eyed stare. She sighed and stomped off to annoy someone else.

"You know something? That angel can be a bit of a bitch. She reminds me of someone," Brian stated cheerfully, cutting through the heavy silence which no one else knew how to break.

"It feels really good to know he remembers who I am when he's like this," I rolled my eyes and nudged Jimmy around the bench so I could sit down. Leana flumped down on my knees like she didn't want to let me go.

Being with them again made the past two weeks away just disappear. It was like we hadn't been separated at all. I revelled in the feeling. It wouldn't always be like this.


	4. Insert Title Here

**WARNING: I do suffer from manic depression and have been on a bit of a downer while writing this. It is possible that I have let some of my depression seep into my writing. Sorry about that.**

"Is it true you're touring with Avenged Sevenfold?" I looked up from the book I was signing and into the sparkling green eyes of a teenage girl. There was a dreamy look on her face and a small smile as she awaited my answer.

I smiled, knowing I was about to make her dreams crumble. "No. I'm not touring with them this time around." Italy was one of the countries I didn't need the translator for. She was busy flipping through a book on my left. It had been agreed by everyone that I would finish quicker if those waiting didn't know I was with Avenged. The guys were currently in the building, hiding out in the break room of the book store, probably bored out of their minds.

The girl looked fairly disappointed as she took her book and turned away to be ushered from the store by one of the assistants. After the eighth person asking me if I was touring with Avenged, I stopped answering and became my sullen, anti-social self, completely ignoring them altogether. I suppose it would get me through this quicker if I just did was I was here to do. The door behind me opened several times and whoever was 'dared to', would stand in the doorway until someone spotted them and started screaming. They would be gone within the second, leaving me to put up with the annoying questions about the man in the doorway who looks remarkably like an Avenged member.

Finally, my pen ran out and I got to leave. That was the rule. One brand new pen per store and no more. I was escorted to the break room by two of the store assistants. I had wondered why my bitch of a manager hadn't been annoying me out in the store up until this moment. They had tied her to a chair and stuffed one of Johnny's socks in her mouth. She turned to me when I walked in, pleading with her eyes.

I turned away, leaving her to boil for a while. The guys were playing cards around a small table. I watched them for a while before I sat down beside Brian and rested my head against his shoulder. We were stuck in here until they cleared the store because they wouldn't let us leave via the storage bay. "So why did you guys tie up my manager?" I yawned as the small woman in question let out a high pitched squeal.

Matt glanced at her quickly and she stopped. "She was annoying us," he shrugged and threw his cards down. "Give up," he smiled and leaned back in his chair. "She talks non-stop, huh?" he asked me.

"You don't know the half of it. Though that still doesn't explain why you tied her up."

"She wanted to come out after you. I knew you would end up in a mood, and I can't deal with you in a mood right now. Not while my head is fucking pounding out a beat faster than Jimmy," Brian said while following Matt's example and giving up on the game. He leaned back, pulling me along with him. He twisted his head and kissed the side of mine. "That and Johnny wanted an easy rape victim."

"Hey!" Johnny yelled and threw something toward Brian. Who moved at the last possible second, therefore it hit me. It was his other sock. "Ew, that's disgusting, you ass!" I threw it back at him and wiped my hand on Brian's leg.

"Sorry, sweetie. Thought you would have moved," he murmured in my ear.

"You _shouldn't_ have." I glared at him, unconvincingly.

He stared at me, amusement glittering in his dark eyes. I sighed and stood up before I kissed him like I wanted to. Just letting him know I was still slightly annoyed at him. While the store was empty, I looked around.

I write horror stories, but I can't bring myself to read any kind of horror novel. I went straight to the almost empty sci-fi section. Val had beaten me to it. She turned and smiled when I walked up. "Thought I'd take advantage of an empty store," she grinned over the top of a book.

"Great minds think alike."

"So do stupid ones!" Jimmy laughed, popping up out of nowhere.

I rolled my eyes and started glancing at names, jumping from shelf to shelf. "You guys are boring," Jimmy whined after five minutes of laying, eagle spread, across the floor. He got up and strolled away, leaving Val and I to look for anything interesting.

We tried to, anyway. Jimmy was back with everyone else minutes later, all of them yelling and making as much noise as they could. Brian grabbed me by the legs and threw me over his shoulder as Matt did the same to Val.

They ran with us like this from the store and onto my bus. Theirs was currently parked behind a hotel. "We should celebrate," Brian grinned as he put me on my feet.

"Celebrate what?" I asked cautiously. When he said that, it was wise to exercise some amount of caution.

"The fact that you have no more scheduled appearances anywhere but my bed."

"Since when did I have scheduled appearances there anyway? And it's my freaking bed." I laughed and sat down on the purple couch at the very back of the small space. He fell down beside me, laying his head on my lap.

"You're always scheduled to appear in my bed, Missus Haner."

"I should start taking advantage of that, shouldn't I?" I smiled and bent over to press my lips to his.

"Ahem," the others present on the bus cleared their throats loudly as one.

I pulled away from Brian and pushed him off me. "Did any of you untie Viv yet?"

They all glanced at each other guiltily. They'd left her there, tied up, with Johnny's sock stuffed into her mouth. Someone would untie her eventually. They were all flying home tonight anyway. One of the people she stayed with would take pity on her… maybe.

***

I scanned the crowd along with Leana as we stood beside each other at the side of the stage. The kids were going absolutely insane as Black Tide warmed them up before Avenged would take to the stage. As they finished up _Let Me _I felt two arms wind around my stomach. I turned my head to see Brian's resting on my shoulder. I kissed his cheek quickly and turned back to the show.

"You haven't kissed me properly since we left Huntington," he pouted in my ear.

I smiled and twisted in his arms before pushing him against the wall. I stretched up and kissed him before he could realize what was going on. He was grinning when we pulled apart. "You're pretty strong for such a small person," he said loud enough to be heard over the music, but not so loud that other people could hear. He grinned as he grabbed my shoulders and spun, switching our places. He was kissing me, from lips to jawline, before I had a coherent thought. Then, of course, when he started that I had no chance of ever thinking coherently again for the rest of the night.

I had no idea that I was wrapped around him in a way that shouldn't be seen by anyone but ourselves until he was wrenched away from me by a grinning Zacky. "We've already given you ten extra minutes. The kids are gonna revolt and storm the stage if we don't get out there," he explained quickly.

"You could have said," I smiled while straightening out my clothing again.

"We did. For the first five minutes. We spent the last five trying to grow the balls to actually pull him off you," Zack rolled his pretty jade eyes. He's always had beautiful eyes.

He and Brian ran off to grab their guitars before taking their places on the darkened stage.

"Your hair's all over the place," Val informed me as I took my place by her and Leana again.

I shrugged. "When is it not?"

"Good point," she laughed quietly over the roar of the crowd as Matt began playing the intro to _Critical Acclaim_.

We were pulled away from the amplifiers by one of the runners after a half hour of us dancing together. Not normally the kind of music you could dance to, but give us a beat and we could dance to absolutely anything. Including the yowling noises you hear when cats are screwing in an alleyway. One of the most terrifying experiences in my life.

We were told by the arena manager to either enjoy the show from the crowd or wait in their dressing room for them to finish. We made a mutual agreement to brave the crowd. Not even we were bold enough to actually go into their dressing room while they were playing. Those boys can make some amount of mess while they're getting ready.

Too many people were interested in us in the crowd and it was getting annoying when all we wanted to do was enjoy the show and people kept asking you if you were who you looked like, or for you to sign some random part of their bodies. After the tenth ass I'd signed, I was ready to give up on everything and actually brave the dressing room. We ended up in the space between the barrier and the stage, with security guards asking us for ID every few minutes "just to make sure we are who we say we are". We couldn't have been more obvious if there had been a huge luminous sign with arrows hovering above our heads, proclaiming exactly who we were. Maybe that's what it would take to get them to leave us alone.

I gave up and went back to standing at the side of the stage, glaring at anyone who came close. I was eventually pulled away again by Leana. She yelled at me for standing so close to the speakers. I was going to be hearing bells for days.

Leana held onto my wrist as she led me outside. The heavy security door closed with a boom behind us. The night was comfortably cool. Leana watched me closely as I wandered over to a barrier and leaned against it, falling backwards so I was upside down, holding on with my hands.

"You child," she smiled as she leaned beside me.

I looked up at her and stuck my tongue out. "So what's up with you?" she asked after a moment of silence. I shrugged as best I could while upside down. She took hold of my foot and pushed me around the barrier so I spun back onto my feet. "Desdemona, I know when something's annoying you. Spill it." I sighed and leaned on my elbows, facing the security door instead of her. "Don't you ever think about how much simpler things would be if none of us were always in the media? Like, in there, we were swarmed with people more interested in bugging us than watching the guys play."

"Dess, we can't help who we are or who we love. And you just so happen to love the biggest ass on the planet. But you guys make it work. _You_ could always drop off the face of the earth for a while. Just lay low until people start forgetting who you are."

"Lea, that's not going to happen any time soon when I'm always out with Brian."

She looked at me with an incredulous expression plastered on her beautiful face. "Are you regretting…?"

I smiled. "Never once in my life will I regret marrying him. Just the time we spend apart."

"I hate how you can answer questions before we even finish them," she smiled. "As for the time spent apart… aren't you making up for that right now? I mean, we're on tour with them, following them around the world and all that."

"I know, honey," I told her quietly. "Manic depressive remember? My moods change quicker than the weather in most countries."

She smiled brightly as I attempted my own small smile. "Manic depression or not, I'm taking you to get drunk as soon as there is a break. In fact, fuck it. We have two buses. The guys can all go on theirs and we'll have a girls night tonight. Let's go get Val and we can leave."

"We should probably wait until they're finished their set and let them know we'll catch up with them wherever the next stop is."

She nodded in agreement and we went back inside.

***

The first thing I reached for the next morning was coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Though that was just my usual morning routine. Val and Leana were still passed out on the floor where we had all crashed. They would both have killer hangovers when they rejoined the world of the living. I'm one of the lucky ones that never ever get hangovers no matter how much alcohol I've consumed.

I sat outside the bus, finishing my third cup of coffee when my cell started screaming at me.

"I didn't wake you up did I?" Brian asked quickly before I could say anything.

"First of all, hi. Second, no, you didn't. I was already up." There was a relieved sigh on the other end of the connection.

"Oh good. You'd probably kick my ass if I had." "Sweetie there's no probably about it," I laughed.

"You'd have to find me because, if I had woken you up, I'd be halfway to Mexico already," he laughed.

"Why Mexico?" I would forever be trying to figure out the workings of his mind.

"I heard someone yell it across the street."

"You understood another language? Where are you?"

"No, he was yelling in English. On the Austrian border. We have a two day break so we figured we'd wait here for you guys to catch up. Start driving, Little Gates. I miss you already."

"Oh shut up. We'll be there when we get there. I love you."

"Love you." He answered automatically. "How soon do you think you'll be here?"

"With my driving? There's no telling. At the most it'll be a few hours."

"Please be fucking careful. I love you too much to lose you like this."

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see me. "I promise I'll be careful. See you soon."

I ended the call before he could keep me talking as usual. Back on the bus, Val was chugging coffee like no tomorrow and Leana was still on the floor though she _was_ awake. Which was a plus, I guess. At least I could start the engine without her yelling at me.

Leana insisted on having at least three cups of coffee before we set off. We were finally hitting the roads at noon. So long as I kept driving, we would meet up with the guys again by nightfall.


	5. Gender Confusion

"Dess! Come seeeeeee!"

I looked up from the page of the book I had been reading and over to Jimmy, hunched over my laptop. He was all the way across the fourteen foot long room from me. And I was too damn lazy to actually get my ass off the couch.

"But that means moving," I complained, my hand dropping limply to my side, the book hitting the floor with a loud thud.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Leana asked, nudging me with her foot so hard I fell off the couch and just lay there, face downwards on the purple carpeted floor. Which, incidentally, would eternally smell of spilled beer. Thank you Johnny.

"I'm tired," I informed her, voice muffled by the layers of hair that had fallen around my head when I landed on the floor as well as the floor itself.

"Desdemona Lillian will you please get up off the floor and come fucking see this!"

I turned my head toward Jimmy before bring my arms up and crossing them beneath my head to try and make myself more comfortable. It worked to some extent until Leana thought it would be okay to rest her extremely bony heels on my back.

I sat up, rubbing the spot where she had decided to torture me with the knitting needles she calls feet. "I knew that would get you up," she grinned smugly as I used anything and everything to help me haul myself to my feet. I stumbled on my way over to Jimmy. Lack of sleep is a bitch on coordination.

He scooted over on the chair he was on and pulled me down beside him before pushing the laptop over so it rested across both of our legs. "There is now officially sixty-nine comments on your memory blog." He stated excitedly. "_No one _can add another!"

I laughed. "I know I do. I checked it earlier."

"Not ever!" he yelled. "Spread the word! Not just your legs!"

Leana and I were both in hysterics as he yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Well, it's only really you that adds to is. So if you can control yourself and leave it alone we're good."

"Can't control myself around you, honey," he winked. Leana was on the floor, clutching her sides she was laughing so hard.

"No one can, don't worry," I told him, completely straight faced.

His smile fell and he eyed me with sarcasm shining in those smoky blue eyes. "You're modest," he stated dryly.

"Can you blame me?" I shot back with a laugh.

"Not with an ass like that."

"Exactly," I shrugged like it was an every day conversation. Fuck. With us, it wasn't exactly far off an every day conversation.

"Ooft," he sighed as Leana stood back up, still laughing, with laughter tears streaming from her eyes and smudging her mascara.

We both eyed him with confusion until he shrugged and started spinning toward the door and leaving us alone with a loud slam.

"You married that," I pointed to the door Jimmy had left through.

"At least he's not a conceited fucker."

"Yeah, he's the conceited fucker's best friend."

She cocked her head to the side, sheer confusion plastered on her angel's face. I shook with laughter as she tried to figure out what I had meant by my last comment. I'm not even sure what the fuck I meant by it.

"Where are they all anyway?" she asked, breaking free of the confusion by simply changing the subject.

"Absolutely no idea." I told her, falling back onto the small couch I'd occupied all day since Brian woke me up at half four in the morning just for sex. Which was why I was so tired now.

"Nope, get your ass up, we're going to go find them. Won't be all that hard considering the wonderful creation that is mobilical technology." She grinned and pulled me up again.

"Mobilical?" I questioned as she led me by the wrist from the bus and out into the big bad world I wanted to avoid as much as possible for at least a little while.

In fact, I wanted to just stay inside for the entire duration of our stay in Germany. I just couldn't make myself like the place or the people. Even though they were nothing but insanely polite to me whenever I had to interact with them. _You need to be more open minded, you judgemental bitch_. Ah I'd missed that little voice inside my head. She hadn't spoken for weeks. I thought I'd killed her.

I completely missed out on Leana's answer as I lost myself in my mind and she immediately located the boys and Val. I tripped so many times while she dragged me along behind her that I was amazed I didn't fall flat on my face. The ground went from hard concrete to softer grass beneath my clumsy feet. I was finally allowed to fall down and stay down when we reached the guys, all laying about in the middle of a field with various bottles of alcohol spread around them in different states of emptiness.

"What the fuck's wrong with her?" I heard Matt ask. Think he was talking about me?

Nope. He wasn't. Leana was trying to pull Johnny up to dance with her. Something about wanting to dance with someone the same height as her for a change.

"What's wrong?"

I opened my eyes to see Brian hovering above me, once arm crossed over my body to support himself, or to keep me from escaping the question? I shrugged as best I could while laying on the grass. He raised an eyebrow. Damn. Why couldn't I do that?

"Just tired," I told him.

The look in his eyes told me he didn't believe me. The look in Jimmy's eyes above him told me I had to move or I was going to get soaked with that bottle of beer in his hands. I hooked my leg around Brian's and used it to slide myself beneath him further, hiding underneath his torso. He twisted off me as soon as the cool liquid hit his back and began chasing Jimmy around the field, yelling that he was going to get an ass kicking while the rest of us laughed at them.

I moved closer to the small circle the guys had made and leaned against Zacky's side as he stared at the sky. "Look!" he tipped my head up to see the multicolored sky. "It's really blue over here and really pink over here!" he pointed at the two sections he was talking about. "Like a boy and a girl!" he got more and more excited as he spoke. "This part of the sky's gender confused," he informed me, pointing to the bright purple stripe in the sky, a contemplative look on his face. "Why is the sky gender confused?" he called out to everyone, wanting an answer.

The only answer he got was resounding laughter and a hurt look etched onto his own face. Jimmy fell down beside him and started explaining that the sky birds and bees worked differently to everyone else's. Brian pretty much collapsed in the middle of the group, breathing heavily.

"You need to stop smoking," I smiled, nudging him with my foot.

"I'll stop if you stop," he puffed out.

"I stopped two months ago. You've been too drunk to notice," I grinned as his head snapped around to me. He stared at me as he thought back. It's always been easy to see when he tries to think. 'Tries' being the operative word.

"Fine, I'll stop," he mumbled eventually.

I yawned and fell backwards onto the grass. I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I was staring at the ceiling of the Avenged tour bus. I knew it was theirs because of the mural of flesh eating zombies splayed across the white metal.

"Oh you're awake!" a happy Leana said loudly on seeing me staring at the ceiling.

I sat up in the dimly lit room and noticed we were alone like we were earlier today. "Where is everyone?" my voice was hoarse. How long was I asleep?

"Jimmy found a bar, as usual, so they all went out. We've to go meet them there now that you're awake," she handed me a glass of water as she spoke.

"Can I at least have ten minutes to shower?"

She looked me over once and nodded, deciding that I obviously needed one. She pushed me towards the boys' bathroom. I fought her every step of the way and managed to run to my own bus as she opened up the bathroom door. No sane — or insane — woman would ever go into their bathroom.

Exactly twenty minutes later, Leana was pulling me into a traditionally themed bar. The first thing that caught my eye was a flash of acid green contacts and platinum hair, bleached beyond repair and attached to those Barbie pink lips; my husband.


	6. Run

I woke up sandwiched between Jimmy and Leana, trying to remember how I managed to get to a bed and how I ended up with them. Then the events of the night before came crashing down on me and I couldn't stop the tears that dripped from my aching eyes. I untangled myself from Jimmy's arms and left the bed. His searching arms came into contact with Leana's small body and pulled her close, bring a fresh new wave of pain down upon my shattered heart.

How could he have done this to me? I'd faithfully worn his rings for eight years of my short(ish) life. I had devoted my entire being to him for twelve. And how does he repay me? By hooking up with some plastic doll in a bar.

I wouldn't let myself believe that alcohol had influenced it. Even though it was pretty obvious that it had, I mean, they _were_ in the middle of a bar. He'd still betrayed my trust like I never thought he would. We had been with each other all day until my stupid body decided to fall into a state of unconsciousness. When I finally meet up with them again I see _her_ first, wrapped around a married man. Peroxide blond and fake all over. Right down to her perfectly square acrylic nails and those stupid acid green contacts. Since when did mother nature start producing that kind of eye color?

The last thing I can remember was shutting down while she dug her claws into his arms. Though it was obvious I was in a hotel. The fact that the little lamps beside the bed were nailed down was enough evidence to support that theory. The name-stamped paper on the writing desk pushed the theory in the right direction.

After my quick teary eyed observation of the light gold and cream bedroom, I left before I woke up either of my lifesavers with my crying. I sat on a light beige sofa out in the lounge area, shaking as the sobs raked through my body.

A screaming noise from the direction of my purse — dumped by a small glass table — had me sobbing even harder than I was before. _He_ was calling me.

I woke Jimmy. He wandered, bleary eyed, from the bedroom and stretched just outside of the doorway. He heard the screaming and looked at me, curled in as small as I could be in a corner of the sofa. He managed to put two and two together and fell down onto the sofa beside me. He pulled me against him and just held me until my eyes ran dry. I would sniff violently every few minutes after sobbing for so long.

The screaming of my cell started again after a full half hour gap of silence bar my sniffing. But I was completely void of any emotion. I looked in the direction it came from without really seeing anything. It all seemed like one big blur up until the screaming stopped.

"I'm gonna call the airport and we'll go home as soon as we can, okay?" Leana asked me. I heard her as if her words were coming through water. It wasn't clear, but I understood enough to nod an answer.

"Why are you taking her home? That's just gonna make this whole thing so much worse. They've lived in the same house as each other since they were nineteen!"

"I am aware of that, James. I am also aware of the fact that we — Dess, Val and I — bought an apartment together for us to stay in if we ever needed it!" Leana's reply was snarky and snapped.

Wow. I must be bad if she was snapping at him. I've never once heard them so close to an argument before.

"Please just keep her safe. I don't care what you need to do for that to happen, just keep her safe," he pleaded quietly, putting an end to the potential argument.

"I promise I will keep her as safe as I can. I know you love her, sweetie, but you gotta remember that I do, too. She's like a sister to me as well. I won't leave her alone for a minute. When you get back she'll be back to normal and we'll sort this whole mess out as soon as she is able to look at him again," she was whispering furiously, trying not to let me hear. But I have great hearing.

Which sucked right now because my cell started screaming again. Leana stormed over to my purse and dug through it till she found the phone. Flipping it open, she demanded to know what he wanted.

"_Please just let me speak to her!"_

"She doesn't want to talk to you, asshole." She replied stonily.

"_Please, I need to speak with her. I fucking love her!"_

"Just leave her alone for a while," she said in a softer tone. "You hurt her, Bri. Big time. You know how bad she gets when someone hurts her. She doesn't let anybody in so it makes it so much worse that you, the love of her fucking life, would hurt her as bad as this."

"_Just… just tell her… I love her…" _I could hear him crying on the other end.

Brian Haner Jr was crying while on the phone. Someone should be recording this.

Leana looked over at me. I was focused intently on my cell hovering by her ear. She sighed. "I'll tell her."

She flipped the phone closed, cutting off the call, and threw it back into my purse now on top of the table.

Jimmy had hooked one of his arms around my shoulders as Leana hissed at Brian. His rough hand was rubbing soothingly up and down my arm. Leana watched us, knowing I had heard every word Brian had said. "I'm gonna go call the airport now," she told us before walking back into the bedroom to use the phone there.

____________________________________________________________________________________

_Been screaming in a recording studio all day so the only way I can currently express myself is through words. Ell oh ell._

_Sorry about the cliffhanger, but at least you got a super fast update =]_

_It was written quickly so I'm sorry if there are any mix ups in sentences or anything. It's also quite short compared to the others, but I'll remedy that in the next chapter._

_A big thank you to the wonderfulness that is reviewers. You are sheer awesomeness in a box._

_-__**Syn**__ical. xo._


	7. Talk To Me

Just for Shadzlove6661. You're gonna hate me, though =D

**Everywhere I looked reminded me of him and always made the left side of my chest ache unbearably. Leana was trying her best to keep my mind off him, even to go as far as picking up mail from my home and bringing it back to the apartment I had holed up in since arriving back home in Southern California.**

**I hadn't spoke to anyone but her, Jimmy and Val — who'd called demanding to know where we had disappeared to and why Brian was sobbing.**

**She had wanted to get the quickest flight back home to be with me, but I had told her to stay with Matt and to kick Brian's ass for me at every opportunity. She had agreed on the sole promise that I didn't yell when I saw the bruises she left on him. I reassured her that I wouldn't care if she cut his balls off with a rusty knife and left them in vinegar for a while before feeding them to him.**

**Leana was currently out. She had told me she was just going grocery shopping. Knowing her like I do, she was full on clothes shopping.**

**I left the apartment, 'forgetting' every form of mobile communication I owned on the kitchen counter. I took the car Leana had left me with; my black Bugatti Veyron. I'm a fast car freak. Who in the right mind isn't?**

**I twisted the key in the ignition and sighed as the smooth purr of the engine calmed me. I sat in silence for a few moments, just listening to the engine before I put the car into gear and sped off toward my home on the beach. Leana had told me she would pick up my mail on the way back from the store. But I missed my roomy home and wanted more clothes. The ones Leana had picked up for me were all extremely short. I wanted a pair of jeans!**

**I parked in the gravel driveway and ran up the path to the front door. Leana had my key so I picked up one of the fake rocks from the garden and pulled the spare key out of it before opening up the door. I ran upstairs to my bedroom and began throwing clothes from my closet into a backpack I grabbed from the teetering pile at the end of the closet.**

**I flew through the house, not wanting to be here any longer than I really had to. Every inch of this house held a memory of Brian and I together.**

**I locked the door again and ran to the mail box. I pulled everything out, not bothering to look at names and jumped back into my car. As soon as I was there I felt like I could breathe properly again. Like there had been a weight pressed on my chest while I was in the house and it had finally been lifted when I knew I could leave.**

**Everything I had taken was in a messy pile in the passenger seat.**

**It could stay like that until I got away from here.**

**I was back at the apartment before Leana. Which meant I could have some alone time without her popping her head in my door every few minutes to make sure I was okay. I sat in my room, cross legged on my bed, and flipped through the mail I had taken from the house. Most were addressed to both Brian and I. All bills. I sighed and placed them all in a pile to my right. I flipped an envelope over and saw my name was hand-written on the front in a messy, recognisable scrawl. Instead of calling or texting — his usual method of 'communication' — he'd written me a letter. I opened it up and tried to read through the tear stained paper.**

_**Dessy,**_

_**I know I was an asshole. But, please, please, please, talk to me. You have no idea how fucking much I miss you. Your voice. Your scent. Your attitude towards me that made me fall in love with you in the first place. Even when we 'hated' each other, you were always the most beautiful person in every room I saw you in. Even when you were yelling at me for no apparent reason, you were amazing. The way your eyes would flash, the way your nose would wrinkle slightly whenever I walked into the same room as you. ?????????????? ????????? ???????????????????? ???????????????????????????????? ???????????????**_

_**I don't want to end up like that again. I love you far too much to go back to that. Even if ????????? Doesn't matter to me. Just answer your phone….. Please?**_

_**I need to talk to you. I need you ?? listen to me. I need you to know how fucking horrible I feel about what I did. Fuck. Dessy, I need YOU. I'm a fucking wreck without you. I never knew how much I needed you with me until you were just… gone. ??????? Dessy, I don't want this to end. I don't want US to end… we can't end. Just give ???? sign. Anything.**_

_**Please call me or text me or just… anything. Absolutely anything. **_

_**I love you. I will always love you. Heart and soul.**_

_**Brian.**_

**After that the page was littered with messy exes as well as dried in runny ink. I didn't need the parts that were so messed up I couldn't read them. I had read all I needed to.**

**I grabbed the phone from the side of the bed and dialled the number while I was brave enough to do this.**

"**Hello?" a quiet voice answered curiously.**

**I took a deep breath and found myself unable to speak. "Listen, I don't know who you are, but fuck off, okay? I don't fucking need this right now." I heard a tearful sniff as I let out the breath I had been holding.**

"**Don't you dare hang up on me," I ordered quietly, finding my voice at last.**

**Silence.**

"**So I came across some pretty interesting reading material…"**

"**Dess?"**

**We were both crying. I could hear him sniffing every so often and I had tears streaming down my face. "It's me," I confirmed.**

**I listened as he broke down and repeatedly whispered "I love you" and "I am so sorry" to the phone. I knew he meant it. I knew I may have overreacted just a tiny bit because I'd had time to think about it since coming home with Leana.**

"**I know, sweetie, I know," I choked to him. I swiped at my eyes with the back of my hand, wiping away the tears that had permanently taken up residence there. It was unnatural to see only the clear liquid tears. I had gotten so used to seeing my hand come away from my eyes glistening with black tears from the amount of eye make up I wore on a daily basis.**

"**I never meant to hurt you. Not once will I ever do that on purpose. I just… I don't know what happened to me," he apologised quickly. "I'm so sorry. I want you, Dess. Only you. Forever. I need you."**

"**I need you, too," I whispered. "But you hurt me, Brian. Oh, sure, you've hurt me before, what with our colorful history, but all of that put together was nothing compared to what that felt like. Do you have any idea? Any at all, Bri? We've spent so long beside each other. Defending the other whenever something happens. Loving each other in every way a man and a woman can do. You threw all of that in my fucking face in one fucking minute."**

"**I know I did!" he wailed. "And you have no idea how fucking horrible I feel because of it! I want to crawl into a dark corner and fucking give up on life! But you are my life and I will never give up on you. I can't give up on you. It would be like if the world stopped spinning. Or if rain fell upwards. Or if we started floating through the air. Completely unnatural. Loving you is as natural as breathing air to live. It's impossible for me not to. Please come back so we can talk face to face. You have no idea how much I miss you."**

"**Bri… no. If I were to fly out right now, a herd of stampeding elephants couldn't stop me from kicking your ass to the point of no return. And once I had done that, I would regret it forever. I miss you, I really do. But I just can't see you just now. Just give me time. That's all I'm asking for."**

"**You can have as much time as you need. I'll wait for you forever if I have to. Can I ask just one thing of you?"**

"**That depends entirely on what it is." I countered even though my heart was screaming at me to promise him the stars.**

"**Answer my phone calls? Even if you just stay silent. Just let me know that you're still here and still willing to at least listen to me? Please?"**

**I nodded. "Promise."**

"**Thank you," I could hear the smile in his voice. "I really want to stay on the line and talk to you, just to hear your voice, but I'm dri —"**

**The screech of metal hitting metal drowned out anything he was going to say and the connection died. I thought my heart was going to stop beating as I frantically pushed redial. The phone rang out three times, carrying me to answer phone before I thought to call someone else. Everyone's phones were busy. I was crying with frustration by this point, punching Val's number into the phone.**

**She was crying when she answered.**

"**What the fuck just happened?" I demanded.**

**She simply cried down the phone. "A-a t-truck sma-smashed into the b-bus."**

"**No, Brian," I whispered. I ended the call, grabbed my keys and ran to the kitchen to grab my wallet. Leana was there, unpacking everything she had bought with a smile on her face.**

"**Where are you going?" she demanded when I grabbed everything I never left home without.**

"**England," I answered, running back to my bedroom to grab my cell phones and passport.**

"**What?! Why are you going to England?!" she yelled, following my every footstep.**

"**There was a crash, okay? I need to go. I need to. I can't just… just…I just need to go." I pushed past her until I reached the front door.**

"**Hold up there, missy. I'm coming with you," she yelled and started grabbing the essentials.**

"**Lea, move!" I screamed as she ran to her bedroom. I walked in to see she was packing clothes into a bag.**

**I grabbed her arm and pulled her from the apartment. Who the fuck needed clothes when someone's life could be hovering on the edge of death. We sped to the airport, me driving even more manically than I normally do.**

**There were no major incidents as I paid for our tickets. Unless you count me yelling at the poor woman to hurry up and get us on the fucking plane. Leana took over all transactions from there on, telling me to shut the fuck up.**

**I spent the entire ten hours on the plane worrying, my right knee bouncing up and down uncontrollably; like it always did when I was worried or nervous. Leana fell into a deep sleep in the seat beside me, curling up into the chair.**

**No one bothered us.**


	8. Not Like This

_And the moral of the last chapter was; don't talk on the phone while driving, no matter who it is you want to talk to._

_And that I am truly evil but you should have known that by now. =]_

_Went on a complete writing spree._

_Thank you to those who reviewed, you're simply amazing and never fail to make me smile._

_-__**Syn**__ical. xo._

_________________________________________________________________________________________

There was a row of black taxis waiting outside the airport when Leana and I ran from the terminal.

"St Mary's," I ordered the driver as we fell into the back seat. He nodded and tipped an imaginary hat before driving off toward the hospital where everyone was. Thankfully, Leana had thought to exchange money so we could pay the guy at the end of the road.

He hadn't spoken to us, though he did glance at my face very often as he drove us to find out how bad everything was. I had phoned Val while on the plane, which is how I knew which hospital to go to. The truck had hit the right side of the bus, front side on. Everyone on the right side of the bus had a broken bone, scars from flying glass. Or was unconscious. Brian. My Brian had it worst because the truck hit him head on. He was the one who was unconscious.

I headed straight to the reception desk and asked where the ICU was. The red headed woman behind the desk looked at me through fairly thick lenses for a moment before asking why I was here.

I almost started crying I was so worried and frustrated. "My husband was in a car crash while touring with his band."

"Name?" she asked in a bored tone.

"Brian Haner."

"Do you have any ID?"

I sighed and pulled my passport out of my back pocket. I showed it to her and she glanced between the picture shown there and my face before finally deciding that we were the same person.

"Follow me," she sighed and stood up. I waited until she had gotten to the front of the desk and was two steps in front of me before I grabbed Leana's hand and dragged her along with us. The red head left us when we reached the department.

"Doctor Williams is your husband's doctor for now. Speak to Liv at the reception desk through there and she'll take you to see your husband," she informed me with a small smile before swiftly walking back in the direction we had just come from.

I nodded and walked through the swingy doors. The guys were all lounging around the waiting room, various body parts bandaged and casted up. All were in different states of sleep. Except Val, who was wide awake and stroking Matt's cheek. "Dess!" she whispered joyously when she saw me. Everyone sat up straight immediately as my name was said. They all watched me as I let Leana go and almost ran to the reception desk.

The woman who had led us here had obviously already warned the purple haired goth sat boredly behind the desk because she jumped to her feet when she saw me.

"Dess Gates, right?"

"Uh, yeah," I answered a little belatedly, forgetting that the name she had used was the pseudonym I wrote under. She nodded and joined me in front of the desk before walking off in front of me in complete silence. I followed her to a huge private room.

She opened the door for me and stood aside to let me pass into the room to see the only man I would ever love.

He looked so vulnerable on the white bed, so many different machines beeping around him. The girl left me alone in the doorway. I closed over the door and walked over to Brian's side. His right arm was encased in a bulky white cast. As were both his legs. There were butterfly bandages littering his perfect facial features and a huge scrape went along his jaw line as well as all over the parts of his arms I could see. Everything looked clean but raw. Painfully raw.

There was a chair stationed on his left side; like it was waiting for me. I sat down on the uncomfortable plastic and took his hand gently in mine. I kissed the back of his hand and held onto it as my tears began to fall.

"Don't you dare leave me here. Don't you fucking dare, Brian Elwin Haner Junior. I love you far too much to let you go like this. Not like this. Please don't leave me," I sobbed onto his bed. Somehow I had ended up with my head face down on the crisp white sheets.

The door opened. "Oh! I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that Mr Haner had a visitor," a man in a white coat said suspiciously.

I nodded slowly and sniffed. "I'm his wife," I informed the doctor thickly.

He nodded with understanding and began examining the machines, noting down all the numbers on the chart taken from the foot of the bed. "Mr Haner —"

"Brian. Call him Brian," I told the doctor.

"Brian's condition has improved greatly since he first was brought in here. He has stabilized and his wounds are healing like they should. His head is fine, just a little knocked about. He should hopefully wake up as soon as the morphine wears off. Which should be in a few hours. As his significant other, you can stay. The others in the waiting room, however…"

"I can ask them to leave," I said quietly. My heart was soaring at the knowledge that he was okay. Well, as okay as one could be after a crash like that.

Dr Williams nodded his fair head and left the room. "Don't wake up without me here," I warned an unconscious Brian before kissing his forehead and leaving the room.

I was enveloped by arms when I entered the waiting room again. It was like, the mother of all group hugs. Jimmy didn't let go of me when everyone else did. Neither did Zacky, gripping onto my hand like I was going to disappear or something. "Um," I bit my lip. "The doctor said you guys can't stay here."

They all looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

"Are you going to stay here?" Zack asked quietly as Jimmy tightened his arm around my shoulders.

I nodded. "I'm not leaving him."

"Will you be okay here by yourself?" Leana asked me softly.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. She looked me over, as if assessing how I would actually be if she left me. Finally, she nodded and pulled Jimmy off of me. He had a broken wrist from the crash, the only injury I could really see. I knew it would kill him to be unable to play drums for at least six weeks. As they all stood in front of me, I took the time to look them over to see how badly hurt each of them were.

Zack and Johnny had no broken bones, just a shitload of stitches and bandages and bruises. Lots and lots of bruises. Matt looked like he always did, with no visible injuries. Though his leather jacket could easily be covering up anything on his arms. Jimmy had a broken left wrist, stitched up cuts and numerous bruises. I wasn't sure if they were from the crash or from another random bar fight. Val had butterfly bandages across her forehead and her wrist was in a splint as well as a few minor bruises.

They all took the time to kiss my cheek and give me a hug before they left the hospital to find a place to stay.

"I'll call you as soon as I find out where we're going to be staying. And you will call us if anything changes, understand?" Jimmy ordered before kissing my cheek and limping off back to Leana. Everyone waved and left, all supporting someone. I turned back to the corridor and into Brian's room to wait out the minutes till he would wake up.


	9. Wake Up

**I felt something heavy on the back of my head. I must've fallen asleep with my head resting on Brian's bed because that's where it was. I raised my head and the hand that had been resting there slid down to my bare shoulder. I should've thought about the colder weather in England before I ran off to the airport wearing a mini skirt and a wife beater. I would need to get someone to buy me a sweater or something. I tried to blink away the sleep in my eyes before I finally raised my hand to rub them so I could open them properly against the bright fluorescent lights. The fingers resting on my shoulder gave it a gentle squeeze. My head snapped around to see Brian's eyes were open and gazing at me.**

"**You've always been beautiful when you first wake up," he smiled a small smile.**

"**You're awake," I breathed.**

"**You're here," he replied.**

"**Of course I am. I love you."**

"**And I love you," he smiled before a fit of coughing overtook him.**

**I watched worriedly, not knowing if I could do anything at all to help him. He stopped coughing eventually and smiled at me. "Sorry about that. Terribly inconvenient, all the stuff that keeps happening when we're trying to talk."**

**I smiled softly and leaned over to press my lips gently to his. "I'm sorry," he whispered when I pulled away from him.**

"**Don't. I want to avoid it as much as possible. Never ever bring it up again and I won't feel the need to beat you even worse than you already are."**

"**Thank you," he whispered.**

"**I love you," I shrugged. "I'd never be able to hold a grudge against you anyway."**

"**Come here." "Why?"**

**He rolled his eyes. "I want to kiss you but I can't move."**

**I laughed and leaned forward to let him kiss my lips. "I love you," he whispered against my lips.**

"**I know you do, sweetie. Now stop talking and just rest. You need to heal enough for me to take you home."**

"**Will you be there? In the house with me?" his voice was pained and he sounded close to tears.**

"**Of course I will. You can hardly look after yourself with so many broken bones. I'll be here when you wake up," I promised him before pushing the button for a nurse.**

"**I don't want to go to sleep again," he whined. "I want to stay here with you."**

"**You're in pain, sweetie. Please just give me some peace of mind and got back to sleep and heal properly for me," I pleaded as the nurse walked in. She saw Brian was awake and walked back out again, returning a few minutes later with Dr Williams.**

**He smiled a crinkly eyed smile when he saw Brian clutching my hand, fully awake. "How are you feeling, Mr Haner?"**

"**Brian," Bri corrected him. "I'm fine, but Dess doesn't seem to want to believe that."**

**The doctor laughed and began looking over the machines he was still hooked up to. "Well, we can take you off the heart monitor now that you're awake and have been stabilized since we worked on you after the accident." He began unhooking wires from the machine, which then let out a loud flat beep. It stopped when he finally thought to turn it off before taking the pads away from Brian's chest. "Your IV stays and I'll have Karithia top up your pain meds in just a moment."**

**I stuck my tongue out at Brian. Only because the doctor had his back to me and he was getting more pain meds whether he wanted them or not. Bri rolled his eyes as the doctor left the room. "I really don't need the meds," he told me.**

**The nurse walked back in and pulled a syringe out of the plastic casing on the IV shelf. She injected the entire syringe into the tubing stuck into Brian's arm. The nurse left us alone without a word. I held Brian's hand as his eyelids began to droop, once again covering the intense brown of his eyes. "Dessy… promise me…" his breathing evened out as he lost consciousness.**

**I placed a soft kiss on his forehead and left him sleeping.**

**I walked through the corridor and then the waiting room till I was standing outside in the bitingly cold air. Even though the sun was shining brightly. I pulled my cell from the pocket of my denim mini skirt and turned it back on. I had to read the screen twice. 47 new messages. 60 missed calls. **_**What the fuck?**_

**I deleted the calls notice and opened up my message in box.**

_**Jimmy.**_

_**Jimmy.**_

_**Jimmy.**_

_**Jimmy.**_

**Etc, etc. There was a random few from Val, Zack or Matt. Apart from that, they were all from Jimmy. I chose not to read them and instead deleted all of them from my phone. I dialled Jimmy's number and held the phone to my ear. He answered before the first ring had completed.**

"**Why haven't you answered my calls or messages?! We have been worried sick, Desdemona Lillian Haner."**

"**I fell asleep, Jimmy, and my cell was turned off. In a hospital, husband's hooked up to a heart monitor and all that."**

"**Has there been no change?" he asked quietly.**

"**There was one major change during the night but he's okay now. He's stable and they unhooked him from the heart monitor earlier."**

"**Has he woken up at all?"**

"**Yeah, he did," I smiled. "He was in pain so they gave him pain meds and knocked him back out. He'll be up again in a few hours if you guys wanna come see him."**

"**We'll be there. Did you… did you speak to him while he was awake?"**

"**Of course I did."**

"**You didn't yell at him, did you? I know what you're like and yelling at him while he's like this really isn't going to help his condition."**

"**I didn't yell at him," a flash from my right caught my attention. Fucking press. "You might wanna come under the cover of darkness," I told Jimmy, interrupting whatever it was he was telling me at the time.**

"**You're freaking kidding me, right?!" he all but yelled.**

"**Nope. They're taking pictures and thinking up title lines as we speak. I'm willing to bet they'll be along the lines of 'Rock star's wife is frantic after car crash'. I can actually see the beginnings of their crappy little paragraph long stories."**

"**You're rambling. And you can only see that because you're an author."**

"**Can you send someone down here soon?" I asked quietly, realizing I needed someone with me.**

"**I'll be down soon with Lea and Val. Do you want anything?"**

"**Food. I'm fucking starving. And can you have one of the girls bring me a sweater or something? Lea and I kinda left Cali in a rush."**

"**I noticed. Both of you are wearing some extremely small clothes for this part of the world."**

"**I can handle the cold," I snapped. "I just don't like the fact that I'm so on show in a freaking hospital."**

"**Okay, okay, calm down hurricane Dess. Lea and Val were out this morning buying clothes for everyone. We all kinda need clothes after… um, well… after what happened. So the girls went this morning. What kind of food do you want?"**

"**Anything so long as you didn't make it. I need to go. I don't like leaving him while he's asleep in a different country. See you soon?"**

"**Course you will, Dessy."**

**I ended the call and walked back into the hospital. Dr Williams stopped me before I got back to Brian's room.**

"**Mrs Haner —"**

"**Call me Dess. Mrs Haner's always been Bri's mom."**

"**Dess." He smiled. "Your husband will be here for a few more days at least so we can keep an eye on him. Make sure his vitals are all as okay as they seem to be."**

"**When will I be able to take him home?"**

"**As soon as he's been cleared you can take the first flight back home. I'll transfer all his details to you and when he next needs a check up you can take them with you so your doctor knows exactly what happened here. I also recommend him taking a break from the touring business for at least twelve weeks. He needs to rest up properly."**

"**Thank you," I told the doctor, so full of gratitude that it was amazing I didn't explode from the foreign feeling blossoming through my body. I went to the cafeteria and purchased the wateriest coffee I have ever had in my life and walked back to Brian's room. Getting lost twice and hit on so many times I lost count and decided to just ignore everyone.**

"**Dess!" a wonderfully familiar voice called just as I reached the white wooden door of Bri's room.**

**I turned to see Val and Leana walking towards me, so many shopping bags in their hands it was comical. How they could shop at a time like this I would never know. I hadn't eaten in three days because I was so freaking worried and they were shopping.**

**Jimmy came strolling along behind them, holding only a brown paper bag. I opened the door to Brian's room and we all filed in. "Any news?" Leana asked in a quiet voice as she stared at Brian, his chest rising and falling steadily.**

"**You don't have to talk quietly. He sleeps like the dead even without morphine," I informed her. "He's gonna be fine. They want to keep him in for a few days under observation then we can go home."**

"**Are you gonna go home with him or are you gonna continue staying in the apartment?" Val asked quietly, unable to speak at normal volume whenever someone was asleep in the same room as her. It was something she's carried since she was little. Always so considerate of everyone else.**

"**I'm going home with him, Val. I can't stay away from him for too long. It physically hurts me."**

**She nodded in understanding and rested her hand on top of Brian's. "Be good to her you stupid ass," she said fondly, even though he was deeply asleep. "Or I'll give you another ass kicking."**

**Jimmy started laughing at that. "He seriously needed that wake up call. I thought Syn was going to take over permanently for Brian until he got his ass handed to him by a girl." I hated it when they spoke like the two names were in fact two different people. No matter what his name was, he would always be the man I loved with all that I had. Though, I will admit, when he was with the band and being called Syn all the time, he did turn into the biggest egotistical asshole in the world. Thinking he knew it all. So conceited was the man I loved. But I loved him in spite of it. No matter what.**

**________________________________________________________________________**

_**Okay, so this has only a couple of chapters left. Maybe even just the one. Depends on how well the next chapter goes in my mind then written out in words. I thought it was about time to lay it to rest before I ruin their lives further.**_

_**Just a heads up =]**_

_**- Syn**__ical. xo._


	10. Dead Silence

"**Dess, I need help!" the frustrated voice that belonged to Brian yelled from the direction of the bathroom. I practically ran to him. He wasn't supposed to be there at all without me.**

**I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw he wasn't actually in the bathroom, just near one of them. "Can you get the door?" he sighed.**

**I eyed the door to his studio. "You're not even supposed to be thinking about playing," I told him disapprovingly as I swung the door open and flicked the dim lights on.**

"**So then why are you letting me in?" he smirked as he hobbled in on his crutches.**

"**Because you'd give me hell if I didn't," I grinned and continued through the room, flicking on numerous switches to everything I knew he would want to use.**

"**Don't know why I even came in here," he muttered.**

"**Because you spend most of your time holed up in here like a hermit on most days," I answered and sat down on the sofa beside him.**

"**Yeah, but I can't even play," he gestured toward his right arm, encased in a black mesh cast.**

"**Doesn't mean you can't just sit in here and listen to music, you know, Bri. The only thing we need for you right this moment is for you to get better and let your freaking bones heal properly. You do too much moving about for a guy with two broken legs." I teased, nudging him lightly with my elbow.**

"**I don't like sitting still!" he complained, playing with my fingers in his good hand.**

"**You're gonna have to for just a little while longer. It's been nice seeing you sit still for a change," I smiled, watching our linked fingers on his thigh.**

"**I'll try to do it more often for you then," he smiled and pulled me close to his side.**

**I rested my head on his shoulder and lightly chewed on my bottom lip. "I have to tell you something and I don't know if you're going to like it or not…"**

**His breathing quickened and his fingers tightened on mine. "What is it?" he choked out after a few very painful minutes of waiting on my part.**

"**I know that in all the years we've known each other we've never actually spoke about this, but it's not exactly like it was planned or anything," okay, so I was stalling, big deal. Why did I ever bring this up? Oh yeah, because I was pregnant with his baby and was scared shitless to actually say it out loud.**

"**Dessy, what is it?" his voice was pained and his impossibly tight grip on my hand tightened slightly. It was enough to make me bite down hard on my lip from the pain lancing through my arm.**

"**Yo, fuckers!"**

"**I'll talk to you later," I sighed before releasing his hold on me and running from the room. **

"**So not fair!" Brian yelled after me.**

**I chewed on my thumb nail as I walked through the hallways and downstairs.**

"**Dess where's the food?!" an outraged Zacky yelled from the kitchen.**

"**Still at the store," I answered as I walked in to see everyone raiding the fridge.**

"**Why is it still there? We were relying on you to have food!"**

"**Why were you relying on me and not yourselves?"**

"**Because you always have food!" **

"**Not when we've just got home!"**

"**But you were here before." "I wasn't **_**here**_**."**

"**Then where were you?"**

**I couldn't tell Zack where I had stayed. Sure, Leana blurted it out to Jimmy but he wouldn't say anything for fear of getting an ass kicking from both Leana and myself. It was part of the deal we made when we purchased the apartment; we didn't tell any of the guys so we would always have a place to hide out if we needed it.**

_**Think and think fast, bitch! **_**That little voice inside my head screamed at me. On glancing at Val and Leana and seeing they were purposefully avoiding looking at me while the others stared, I realized where I could say I was and avoid questions I wouldn't be able to answer.**

"**I stayed in LA. With my parents."**

**The relief in Val and Leana was visible as they glanced thankfully at me. I twitched my mouth towards them so they would know it was nothing but the guys wouldn't suspect anything of it.**

"**That was completely un-fucking-fair, Dess," Brian muttered as he swung into the room.**

**I shrugged. "Sorry."**

"**No you're not," there was a small smile on his face. Whew, he wasn't mad.**

"**So I lied, what are you going to do about it, Hop-along?" I grinned and grabbed the keys to my ever faithful jeep. "Who's coming food shopping?"**

"**Me!" Zack threw his hand in the air before grabbing hold of one of mine and racing to the front door.**

"**Buy junk!" Johnny called after us, followed by a 'shut up, Shortass.'**

*******

**I'd never seen Zack so happy until I saw him surrounded by food. He would randomly grab something from a shelf and throw it into the cart I insisted that he pushed. I left him to it and wandered around, picking up things that would actually make a meal and not just something they would munch on, finish then complain ten minutes later that they were still hungry.**

**I was finished in the store long before Zack even made it to the check out. I was reading in the jeep when he finally tottered out with a smug grin on his face.**

"**First time I've actually ever done that," he stated proudly as he climbed into the passenger seat.**

**I rolled my eyes and left the parking lot behind us.**

"**What do you mean that was the first time you've ever done that?"**

"**I mean it was the first time I've ever done that. Someone always made sure I had food in the house so I would be able to eat whenever I wasn't rummaging around your kitchen," he shrugged.**

"**You're such a lazy fuck," I laughed as we pulled into my driveway.**

"**Hey! You know how good a fuck I am," he laughed as he climbed out.**

"**Not since high school."**

"**And whose fault is that?" he grinned as he grabbed everything from the back of the car and carried it all into the house, completely at ease.**

**I left him in the kitchen to put everything we'd bought away in its proper place and wandered into the living room. Everyone was completely engrossed in a gory movie I instantly recognized.**

"**Why are you watching this?"**

"**Shut up!" Johnny whined. "We're trying to watch this! It's good, we should go buy it."**

**I glanced at the screen mounted on the deep red wall. There was a girl on screen, tears streaming down her bruised face and a rope around her neck. She was pleading with some unknown character to let her live. "The rope gets attached to a car and Simm drives off, separating her head from her body."**

"**How do you know the killer's name?" Jimmy demanded. "And how do you know what happens? You don't watch gory movies, only horrors."**

"**Psychic," I smiled, tapping the side of my head.**

"**Okay then, Little Miss Psychic, how does it end?" he asked, thinking I wouldn't know.**

"**It ends with a screen-shot of Simm's face covered in the blood of his last kill."**

"**And his last kill is?"**

"**Annabella, the cheerleader you see at the beginning."**

"**Okay, do you two mind not ruining the film any further and letting us watch it?" Matt snapped. He obviously liked this movie. I shrugged and left them alone.**

**I hid out in my study, tapping aimlessly at the keys of my laptop, until I knew the film would be ending. My living room was a complete mess, empty bottles and chip packets littering the wooden floor. Not to mention the two bodies sprawled across it, still gazing at the Tv as the credits rolled across the screen.**

"**So how did it end?" I asked, making them all jump then moan because it had bothered their injuries.**

"**Exactly how you said it would end," Jimmy grumbled as he sat up, still watching the screen. "So how did you know it was gonna end like that?"**

"**You'll find out in a few minutes."**

**Everyone stared intently at the screen.**

"_**Based on the novel 'Nightmare' by Dess Gates." **_**Appeared on the screen and a collective 'I knew that' chorused throughout the room.**

"**Sure you did," I laughed and left the room heading in the direction of the kitchen; my favorite room in any house.**

**It was too late in the day to work on a meal. Well, it wasn't really, I was just being lazy. When I was finished with my non-cooking escapade, the island and counter was covered in all sorts of picnic finger food. I loaded up a plate and took it through to the living room where everyone was engrossed in yet another of my movies.**

**I rolled my eyes and sat on the couch beside Brian, resting the plate on his leg. "There's food in the kitchen," I informed everyone at a quiet part of the film.**

**I had never seen them move so fast in my life before.**

"**Thanks, sweetie," Brian smiled and began picking at the food on his leg.**

"**No problem," I smiled and joined him at picking at the food on the plate.**

"**So what was it you were going to tell me earlier?" he asked quietly.**

"**Uh…" an argument broke out in the kitchen. I **_**fucking love **_**interruptions. "I'll tell you later," I sighed as I got up to go see what they were arguing about.**

**Matt, Val, Zack and Leana were stationed around the sides of the kitchen, wonder and amusement on their faces. Jimmy and Johnny stood at opposite sides, Jimmy with a tomato in his hands, Johnny with an orange.**

"**If you even **_**think**_** about throwing either of those, I swear to gods above and below that is all you will eat for the rest of your lives," I threatened quietly from the doorway.**

**They both looked at me, sheer horror plastered on their faces. They both hated the fruits in their hands. Their hands slowly lowered to their sides and they eventually put the fruits on a stable surface. I glared at them all as they filed past, back out to the living room.**

**I followed behind them and sat back down beside Brian. I quickly got bored of the film, having spent eight months of my life writing the actual story. "Can we watch a different movie?" I asked, eyeing up the DVD cabinet.**

"**What's wrong with this one?" Matt protested.**

"**Nothing, I just…" my knee was bouncing uncomfortably.**

"**She wrote it," Val laughed.**

"**Why are all your films on today?"**

"**The horror channel's doing this weird tribute to great horror writers all week. Today just so happens to be my day," I sighed. "And I don't wanna spend all day watching the pitiful adaptations of novels my blood, sweat and tears went into. The directors **_**never**_** get it the way it should be."**

"**Okay, we'll watch a different one." Jimmy swung open the glass case and began looking, running his finger along the sides of the cases.**

"**Stop at 'D'," Zacky told him, choosing the first letter. Jimmy immediately made his way to the DVD's that started with 'D'. Neat freak, therefore everything was in alphabetical order.**

"**Next letter?"**

"**E!" Leana yelled excitedly.**

**His finger moved swiftly along a few cases.**

"**A."**

**And again.**

"**D, again," Brian grinned. "First word over."**

"**Dead? Interesting choice of first word," he rolled his eyes and then looked at me. "And your choice of next word, Mrs. Haner?"**

"**Silence," I smiled.**

"_**Dead Silence**_**? Are you freaking kidding me?! You know I hate those freaky ass dolls!"**

"**So leave. I wanna watch **_**Dead Silence**_**," I smiled sweetly for the first time in my life.**

"**Damn I hate that face you make," he muttered and popped the disc into the Tv. "As soon as this starts there is absolutely no speaking or noises of any kind. Not including the occasional shriek of terror stroke horror," he told us, serious for the first time in **_**his**_** life. We all made some small sound of agreement and waited for him to press play.**

**I watched in silence as the film started, a black and white version of the earth and then the wonderful sound of a flickering picture machine aaaand cue the creepy music.**

"_**In the 6th**__** century B.C. it was believed that the spirits of the dead would speak through the stomach region of the living. From the Latin **_**VENTER**_for 'belly' and _**LOQUI**_ 'to speak' Hence the name _**VENTRILOQUIST**_."_

As the words on screen disappeared and the match was lit, I whispered in Brian's ear the two word phrase that would change our lives. "I'm pregnant."

_**And All Things Will End**__._

_I'll most likely post an epilogue, just to truly wrap it all up._

_I wanted to fit this in somewhere, but couldn't find the perfect place, so I shall leave it here; "__**Love can be an all-consuming force that blinds those with the best of intentions." **__I hope that helps explain why Dess forgave him so easily._

_Thank you everyone who reviewed the story, even just a chapter, you guys are awesome; __**Shadzlove6661**__, __**Frankie Cooper**__, __**JimmyFrankandBrendon**__, __**VengeanceAtMidnight**__, __**JustineJealousy**__, __**HaleyHollows**__ and anyone else who reviews in the future._

_Thank you for reading =]_

_Love, Sarah. xo._


	11. Epilogue

****Epilogue****

"Brian we have a code baby situation here. Dess is having contractions." Val's voice told me quickly through the phone.

I dropped my guitar and ran from Matt's basement. I fumbled with the keys to the jeep when I finally reached it. By the time I eventually successfully opening the doors and jamming the keys in the ignition, the guys were clambering into the jeep, laying all over each other in an attempt to just get in. I sped through the streets to my home on the beach.

Dess was laying calmly on her back in the middle of the living room while Val, Leana, Gena and Lacey raced through the house, throwing everything they thought she would need into a huge deathbat marked bag.

"I'm fine," Dess stated randomly. It was then I noticed her cell was by her ear. "Yes, mom, Brian is here. He did. He didn't. I did. We still don't know. Because we want it to be a surprise even though it can only go one of two ways. Sure thing," she held the phone out to me, still dumbstruck at how calm she was.

It felt like the world was crumbling around us the way everyone was shrieking and barrelling through every room of the house. Jimmy knelt down by her head and stroked her hair while I held the phone to my ear. "Brian? Are you there?" the worried voice of Dess's mom asked.

"Yeah I'm here. Hi, Anne Marie." I answered in a daze. I was vaguely aware of Zacky on the phone to the hospital in the other room.

"Oh good! I thought she was just saying you were there to make me feel better. I know you guys were supposed to be busy today."

"We are pretty busy," I smiled.

"I've noticed!" she laughed a little. "How's she doing?"

"She's doing good," I answered, watching Dess closely. She was breathing deeply and staying relaxed, unlike everyone else who were freaking out. "She's the most relaxed one out of all of us."

"She always was a little strange when it came to panic inducing experiences like this. I want you to call me as soon as she has the baby. If I'm right then she'll have all of you in the waiting room for her. We'll all be down as soon as she's had a chance to recover."

I was nodding. "That's probably best. Jimmy'll be freaking out about his little sister and you would have to listen to him rant and be eternally pessimistic until he sees her again," Jimmy was shooting poisonous daggers at me as I spoke to his mom.

"We all could avoid that. Good luck, Brian. Kiss my little girl for me."

"I will, Anne Marie. Bye."

I set Dess's purple phone on the sofa beside a pale green Zacky and lay beside Dess on the floor. I leaned over and kissed her softly. "Your mom told me to kiss her little girl for her," I told Dess. She smiled softly before grimacing in pain and her breathing spiked, getting heavier and faster. She grabbed my hand and held on tightly. "I fucking hate you," she moaned at me.

I laughed along with everyone else. "I know you do, honey." She had been telling me this at every opportunity, just like she'd promised me seven months ago when she first started throwing up every day.

"Okay, people, lets go. Car's ready and we've got everything you need," Leana told us proudly as she re-entered the living room.

"Ready to go?" I stupidly asked Dess. She was currently cursing quickly in every language she knew. I shook my head and scooped her up before walking swiftly out to the jeep. There was a blanket spread out in the back and Val was already waiting there. I would be driving. I lay Dess across the back seat, her head in Val's lap. Dess had enough sense to bend her legs to allow me to close the door.

I panicked the entire drive there, Dess screaming that she hated me at the top of her lungs. And again when she was placed in a wheelchair. And again when we ran into the hospital, Jimmy yelling 'woman pushing out a parasite here' to the reception area. And again when Dess was squeezing my hand so tight I thought I would never regain full functionality of it again. And again when I heard the screaming bloody mess that was our child. And again when I was handed scissors to cut the spongy rope that was the umbilical cord.

Not once did I panic more than I panicked when the baby girl was placed in my arms. _My_ baby girl. Dess was smiling tiredly at us both. "You look terrified."

"You look exhausted." And so amazingly perfect, even with your hair clinging to your sweat coated face.

She smiled. "In case you didn't notice, I just pushed our child into the world. And, trust me, that was no walk in the park."

"I noticed," I whispered happily.

"Thought of a name yet?" she asked, yawning softly.

Oh yeah. Our deal. If it was a girl, I'd name her. A boy, Dess would name him. "Lily Anne Haner."

"You just broke up my middle name!" she accused with a laugh. The sparkle in her bright blue eyes told me she was only teasing.

I inclined my head to the side, not wanting to chance any bigger movement with the fragile being that was my daughter resting in my arms. She's stopped screaming as soon as I held her. Maybe I was going to be better at this than I thought.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't," I smiled. "Besides, this way, we can tell your mother that we chose her middle name to honor her."

Dess nodded. "She'd like that," she stated before yawning widely.

The doctor who delivered Lily into the world strode back into the room, wearing clean scrubs. He smiled at the panicked look I'm sure was still on my face. "The recovery room is all ready for you now, Mrs. Haner and a nurse will be here momentarily to take your daughters name, if she has one, and take her to rest in the nursery," he informed us seconds before a small nurse strolled into the room, a chart gripped in her hands.

"Do you have a name for your daughter?" she managed to squeak out. Why was she so nervous?

"Lily Anne Haner," Dess informed her with an exhausted smile.

The small brunette wrote down the name and handed the chart to the doctor before taking my little girl from me. As much as I wanted to continue holding my daughter, I felt relief so strong it was almost overbearing when she wasn't resting against me. Every moment I had been holding her, I felt like I was going to drop her or hurt her in some way. Even though I wanted to keep her close to me. I was already fucked. Nothing would stop me from protecting my girls. Even though I had let down one of them majorly once before. I was a fucking idiot.

"Mr. Haner, would you mind going to appease those in the waiting room that came in with you? There is one gentleman that has not stopped yelling at the top of his lungs since you both were brought in here. I'll come find you and take you to your wife once she's been cleaned up and is in her room."

I nodded. Three guesses for the madman yelling? "See you soon," I told Dess as I leaned in to kiss her forehead.

"Promise?" she asked as two young interns pushed up the breaks on her bed and began to wheel her out.

"I promise," I called after her. The doctor nodded at me and followed behind Dess. I sighed and left the room, heading towards the waiting room. I heard Jimmy before I saw him. I laughed silently as I watched everyone yell at him to calm down through the small glass panel in the swinging doors that led from the white corridor I was in to the waiting room.

I pushed the door open and stepped out, wishing I had taken the stupid green apron thingy off before I left the delivery room. Everyone silenced when they saw me, giving me their undivided attention. The nurse behind the desk breathed an audible sigh of relief at the silence that fell upon the room at my appearance.

"Ladies, I have a daughter," I announced with a grin.

The four girls screamed and ran towards me for hugs while the guys all yelled some sort of congratulations at me.

"How's Dess? Can we see her? How's the baby? Have you guys named her yet? Can we see the baby? Who does she look like? Was it gross?" Leana threw her questions at me quickly, bouncing up and down.

I laughed along with everyone else and tried to answer them as best I could. "She's tired. As soon as the doctor comes back and tells us we can see her. The baby's fine, she's in the nursery. Yes, her name is Lily Anne Haner. You can see her from the nursery window when you figure out where it is. She doesn't really look like any of us at the moment, considering she's only minutes old. It wasn't gross, it was…" I paused. There really was no words to describe what seeing my daughter come into the world was like. It was ice cream on a hot day. It was hot cocoa in the snow. It was Jack Daniels straight from the bottle. It was absolute heaven. Not including the screaming and watching my wife in pain. As soon as Lily was out of her everything was okay again and Dess looked as though it was the best thing she had ever done. Well, she did get a daughter out of it.

"We get it," Val smiled. "It's indescribable when you see another human being join the world. There's just no word for it. How many times did she tell you she hated you?"

I shrugged. "Lost count after the first twenty."

"And she said it at least forty times before we called you… I win!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "She has to have said that she hated him over a hundred times because it's all she muttered and screamed while we were in the car with her, she was yelling while in there and at your house. Pay up!" she grinned at everyone in the room.

"What the hell?" I asked as everyone passed her fifty dollars each.

"We made a bet on how many times Dess would tell you she hated you on the day, well, days, she spent having your baby. I was the only one to bet that it would be over a hundred," Val grinned, folded up the bills and stuffed them in her jeans pocket.

"What do you mean days?"

"You've been in there for a day and a half, Bri."

Wow. It honestly didn't seem like that long. To be honest, it all seemed like it was over in seconds.

"Mr Haner?" a small squeaky voice caught my attention. It was the nurse from before, the one who had taken Lily to the nursery.

"Yeah?" I asked, my voice not exactly my own.

"Your wife's been asking for you," she informed me. "And you can take that off now," she held out her hands for the apron I was still wearing. I untied it and wrenched it off, hoping I wouldn't have to wear one of them again any time soon.

She balled up the green material and motioned for us to follow her. She led us over to a huge white elevator and held the doors open while everyone got in. I watched closely as the nurse pushed the button for the seventh floor. I smiled. Dess would like that, she always had had a weird fascination with the number seven.

Dess was propped up against many pillows when we finally got to her room, a book poised against her knees. She looked up and smiled when she saw us. Never before has that woman looked more radiant than she did in this moment, her black hair hanging wet around her shoulders, her face void of any kind of make up and her black rimmed glasses perched on her nose instead of wearing contacts like always.

"Hey, Beautiful," I grinned and kissed her hello.

She smiled up at me and turned her head towards the door as it opened up again. A different nurse walked through the door, a pink bundle in her arms. The woman smiled a warm smile as she passed through the room to Dess. Every small sight of Lily was met by some murmur of awe from everyone present. Dess pushed the book aside and sat properly as Lily was passed to her very capable arms. The nurse left the room as Dess gazed at the small face of our daughter. As soon as the door was closed, Dess pushed down the barrier on the side of her bed and moved over. I climbed up and lay beside her, an arm around her shoulders and my other hand pushed the pink blanket further away from Lily's face.

"She's so beautiful," Val and Leana whispered simultaneously.

I looked up to see everyone staring at my daughter, most with tears in their eyes. Or, if you went by the name James 'The Rev' Sullivan, then you already had tears streaming down your face, even though you were also wearing the biggest grin ever seen on planet earth.

A flash caught our attention. I looked up to see Johnny had a camera in his hands and was grinning hugely. "First ever picture of the happy family and the first Avenged Sevenfold baby," he grinned and stuffed the camera into a pocket.

"_You_ were the first Avenged Sevenfold baby," Jimmy shot back as Val quietly asked Dess if she could hold Lily, her hazel eyes bright with the look that only women, really, get when they're around babies.

"Course," Dess smiled and gently passed our daughter to Val.

Why is it, that any woman can be handed a baby and immediately know how to hold it properly, yet guys feel awkward while holding them? Like their just gonna break or get hurt while they're with us or something. Guess it's just some kind of maternal instinct. I was positive I would have the whole 'holding the baby properly' thing down in a few days. She was _my _baby, after all.

I watched proudly on with Dess as Lily was passed from the capable arms of the women present, to the awkward arms of the guys. Zack was the only one who looked like he knew what he was doing. I guessed that was because of his sister's kids.

There never was a more perfect moment in my life.


End file.
